Last year, Facebook went agog when the video clip of a newly ordained pirest began to go viral

Remarkably handsome and tall, bespectacled and skin-gleaning, he had left building his businesses to commit to a celibate lifestyle and spiritual worship.

Ladies groaned. Men like me admired his brevity.

I thought deeply about his decision.The man had designed his life and committed fo pursuing it studying Philosophy and Theology at rhe seminary, and passed the tests to become a Catholic priest.

That’s what success is.

Deliberately designing one’s life and committing to the demands of that design.

Not about houses and cars.

Not about monies in the bank or buildingd erected.

But understanding that living is about design. With that design comes the acceptance of the crankiness of the path and obeying the calls to adjust and readjust wherever necessary.

Success in life has got me looking at the life designs of others.

Like a guy I met in 2025.

In his early 50s.

Dude just wants to live.

He has a regular job that doesn’t pay much, but he lives by his means.

He’s not interested in ostentation.

He’s able to afford his meals and clothes and his one-bed averagely furnished apartment in a cozy estate that’s serene.

He’s not interested in social media. Has no account on the apps.

He has no car.

He’s not interested in marriage and doesn’t care about having kids, but he told me he loves kids.

He’s not interested in building any business.

He takes his health seriously – doing regular checks, eating healthy and moderately exercises.

He told me, “Emeka, I just want to live.”

That’s his primary goal.

He attends church, but not fanatical. One service and he’s gone back to his house.

He doesn’t bother himself with belonging to associations.

He’s got a couple of friends he hangs out with from time, not more than 4 of them.

He loves reading physical books and can soak himself in it for hours.

His job doesn’t stress the life out of him – starts at 9 and ends at 5. Nothing extra.

He says he saves just enough to live by.

He says he’s happy. His parents are dead and long gone.

He has 3 siblings and he’s told them nobody should worry him and that all of them should find jobs and work and earn a living.

Told me he has a girlfriend he loves, but is not planning to marry her.

He told me the girl knows and has accepted it that way.

He says anytime she wants to leave, he’s willing to let her go.

Amazing dude through and through.

We spent quite some good time together.

“I love to dress well and feel neat because it helps me stay sane.”

He had on neat sneakers, jeans and spotlessly immaculate white shirt that had the Polo insignia on it.

As he rose to go, I could feel tinges of envy within me.

I couldn’t shake off all he told me, so I reached back again to him.

I needed answers.

He gave me 5 PM the day we agreed. Approximately 15 minutes to the time, he called me that he was there.

He chose a place close to me. BoomTown, New GRA.

Those two acts were symbolical of his person. He was time-conscious. He was empathetic as he had to come all the way from Trans-Amadi towards my office area, a distance of about 10 kilometers. For someone like him, doing public transport wouldn’t be surprising.

He stood up to greet me. I’m 45. He’s 50.

His hug was comradely. His handshake was confidently reassuring. His smile efficacious.

“My guys at the office saw your post and it cracked me up. You know I’m not on any social media platforms, even though I chat using WhatsApp and read emails. They speak highly of you and who you are in Port Harcourt,” he said as we sat at the table after exchanging pleasantries.

He beckoned to the waiter. He asked me to let him pay for our meals. It was unexpected, yet another pointer to his person. I think he loves wearing spotlessly white shirts. He wore a pair of black sneakers and dark brown corduroys.

I think we exhausted everything before our meals arrived. I asked him if he could let me record our conversation so I wouldn’t forget anything. He obliged me.

“As a child, there were certain knowings I had. I don’t know how they happened, but I just knew. I wasn’t a conformist. I asked my dad lots of questions. Thankfully, my dad protected me from folks who’d say awful things because I was quite inquisitive. I read lots of books as a child. My mind was a sponge, it’s still a sponge. I read voraciously across genres and subjects. I tend to see myself as eclectic. As I grew I embraced the concept of essentialism – living purposefully with the basics.”

It wasn’t the first time I’d heard of the concept. In fact, I’ve read a book on the subject matter.

“It amazes me when people feel I’m not living. I laugh when people say I’m just existing. I have a job. I have skills. My company bases a lot of its works on research. Everyday I commit myself to research and reading, contributing to the overall goals of the organization. Our organization contributes to the wellbeing of many people around the world. My salary is just about enough for me to live on the basics. I live in a good estate. The estate is secure. I’ll invite you soon. Spacious, well-layered, and serene, the way I love it. I’m living purposefully because I’m waking daily to commit my life to a job that touches the lives of people that I don’t even get to see or will never meet. How’s that not purposeful existence?”

I nodded that it was.

“I’ve travelled around a bit. I’ve met lots of folks like me who aren’t keen on being the Dangotes or being influential like you on social media, but wake daily and are happy to go to jobs that make them happy. They’re happy contributing their energies. Right now, I’m learning new tech skills to be better at my job. I’m not interested in building any business. It’s just how I’m loving to live. I’m happy with my job. I’m living.”

I wore smiles.

“My parents died when we were in university. I have two siblings. I’m the first. I’m 50. The second is 49. The third is 48. They’re married now. My advice at the time was that each of us would fight it out together without dependence on one another. That was necessary so each of us would push to survive. It didn’t mean that we wouldn’t help. We needed to fashion that toughness to survive since our parents were gone. I’m not against helping people, but you see where people see others as their ATMs without doing anything for themselves, that’s unacceptable.”

I was itching to hear him talk about his sexuality and his stance on marriage. He laughed so loudly.

“I’ve always been non-reckless with sex. I could go years without sex and I’m fine. My parents were good parents and I don’t think I saw them have issues, so my decision to not be married isn’t because they didn’t model good marriage. I just don’t want to be married. There are Catholic priests and monks and hermits who aren’t married and they’re living absolutely functional lives. I love to love, but I don’t want to be married. My girlfriend is an absolutely beautiful woman. She’s 35. I was frankly open to her as I’ve always been to the ladies I’d earlier dated and been in a relationship with. I love her, but I’m open to the possibility of her leaving. See, there are millions of people in the world that will never get married, no matter how they desire and pray for it. It’s just how life is. I love kids, but I don’t want to birth kids. It’s just what it is.”

Our meals came. He ordered veggie salad topped with fish cuts. I ordered ogbono soup and garri.

Before he dug into his first fish cut, he said…

“I’m saving. I have good policies. Who knows? I may leave Nigeria when I’m 60. I’m thinking that already. When I’m a bit more old, I’m open to the fact of spending the rest of my life in an old people’s home. I’m sure you know that in there, there is community and support for end of life care. Family isn’t always by blood.”

I loved the ogbono soup so much as I dipped in and took copious chunks of dry fish.

By now I’m sure you’ve gotten great thoughts about success. I’m sure you have.