I’ve had this in my head for ages.
I am glad I stumbled on the a post by my friend, Maple Dappa.
So I am just going to paste what he shared after the broken lines.
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For the first time in my life, I met someone whose official name is just a first name with no middle name or surname. We had a conversation around it, and my new friend shared the background story with me, which was quite fascinating and raised more questions that I didn’t ask because boundaries had to be respected. While taking an evening stroll recently, I thought about that experience and others and wondered what gets strangers talking and sharing details about their lives.
Then it hit me – good conversations! And what I realised was that enriching conversations are stirred by knowing how to ask the right questions in the right way. I think at the basic level, being a great conversationalist is about two core skills – asking the right questions and telling stories. Many of us desire to meet new people, make new friends, nurture connections, and deepen relationships, but too often we get stuck along the way with bouts of frustrations.
Have you ever experienced that situation where your chats with someone often stall around greetings and pleasantries like “How are you doing?” “I’m fine, you?” and it just feels like there’s a gulf between you and the other person, and you just don’t know how to bridge it? I think we’ve all been there, nodding politely, but craving something more. Real connection. Real stories.
The kind of talk that makes you lean in, eyes wide, heart open. I know! So, what can you do? Well, to go deeper, we just have to ditch the surface-level engagement. And don’t mix it up; it’s not about asking more questions but asking better ones. Pay attention to what lights them up, what they’re pouring their soul into.
The vibrant conversations you admire in others aren’t accidents; they’re the result of deliberate care, keen observation, and a spark of courage to go deeper. If they mentioned a project, don’t just ask, “How’s it going?” That’s a one-way ticket to “Fine.” Instead, try, “What’s been the toughest part of rallying support for this?” or “What’s got you most excited about where this is headed?” or “What new perspectives have you gleaned so far?”
Questions like these aren’t just words; they’re invitations. They say, “I see you. I’m curious about your world.” Deeper questions unlock deeper answers. People love to share what they’re really going through—their wins, their struggles, the messy stuff that makes them human. But here’s the catch: you have to listen, truly listen, with keen ears and a tender heart that could be sensed. Not merely to respond, but to also understand. That’s where the magic happens.
So, next time you’re tempted to toss out a “How’s it going’?”, pause. Think about what they’ve shared before or something you know about their interest. Craft a question that shows you’re tuned in. Watch their eyes light up as they dive into the real stuff. That’s not just a conversation; a connection that lingers. Let’s be brave enough to ask the questions that matter. Learn to trade small talk for soul talk. Because in the end, it’s not about filling the silence but filling our lives with meaning, one real conversation at a time. In conclusion, we can’t guarantee every question will spark a profound exchange, but we can guarantee a barren conversation if we stick to surface-level pleasantries. The beauty of it all? You can always replant, learning from each interaction to cultivate richer dialogues, wiser and more attuned than before.
So, are you ready to dig deeper, listen closely, and grow conversations that bloom?
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